i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
