i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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