I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
