high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
