Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
