how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm really busy with my period
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