youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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