i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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