Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
