i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
