I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
