No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
