yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
