I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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