I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
