If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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