Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wish my penis had a tongue
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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