that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're like the curious george of whores
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I believe in your delicious
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize