You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shame is for Republicans.
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