Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
