Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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