chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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