Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
