Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
