You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize