Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
