Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
