This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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