Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
