You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize