Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it glows. i had to have it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
