do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
