mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
