last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
