i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
