What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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