Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
