and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
