my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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