I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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