Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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