we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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