Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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