I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
