Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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