I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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