how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
