let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize