His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
