I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize