Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
