i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
