haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
