I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize