He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
