when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
