He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
