Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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