the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
