Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
