Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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