they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
