if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize