Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
