He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are we still banned from the library?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
