Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
