I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
