I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
