I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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