hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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