Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
