Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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