so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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