I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
