Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
