When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize